When Love Hurts
It dawned on me when I sat down to write this post that many of the people that I have come in contact with through the spiritual work that I do suffer from some type of traumatic emotional experience. And, I include myself in this I didn't get to where I am today by not experiencing pain, loss, grief and a host of other emotions. But, there still is that pattern that persists. We say in hindsight "if I knew them what I know now...." So, this is my attempt to soften the blow...because I've been there and I missed the signs.
First rule is, we should always surround ourselves with those that have the best and highest intentions not just for themselves and others but for us. People who are positive, who are kind, who want the best for everyone because these people will want what's best for you. It is important to observe people in their behaviors and interactions and really see them for who they are. Many times we see the person but we miss what they are really showing us with their actions and how they communicate with others. If we surround ourselves with the right people from the beginning we have the chance to form healthy long term relationships.
The second rule is, love should not hurt. No matter what, you can have disagreements and arguments but love should not hurt. You should not be able to locate the emotion of pain in the relationship as a constant being inflicted upon you. There is a difference here between unforeseen circumstances but when you are in pain daily by something this person continues to do to you this is not love, this is control. You should not have to be miserable in order for someone else to be happy and this falls under the domain too of sacrifice, we should never sacrifice our happiness, dreams, goals and aspirations. These are too precious and anyone who requires us to do so willingly or unwillingly, consciously or unconsciously does not have our best interest at heart.
Growing in joy and not in sadness. This one is subtle but it is a relationship gauge that we all need to use when we are in a relationship. Many times things start out great and then they shift and they shift to a non healthy place. Arguments, fights, discord and negativity have taken hold and perhaps this is good because the universe is revealing to you what a relationship with this person is truly like. Charmers charm both male and female, love yourself enough to walk away from situations and people that are detrimental to your physical, emotional, mental and spiritual well being. When in doubt, choose you.
In healthy relationships, people balance each other out and complement each other. We should become better people because of it, not loose ourselves in the constant pleasing of others that cannot be obtained. Listen to yourself. What is really happening here? And, follow your intuition you will find 9 times out of 10 it is trying to steer you away from those situations and people that will do you harm. And on that note....
I am going to drop another bomb on you here...the people that are supposed to love you the most can and will hurt you unknowingly or willingly if you allow them too. This is because we live in a world of imperfect people with scars and baggage and misconstrued perceptions of what love really is. And, in their blind attempt to obtain it they lie, manipulate, control and abuse those closest to them in an attempt to contain it. We come in contact with many unconscious people in our relationships while some are fully aware. They can and may be people we love very dearly but in the end it doesn't really matter, the impact on the self is the same. You must choose You.
Love cannot be contained, it cannot be controlled, it cannot be manipulated, it cannot be abused, it is truth in it's rawest and purest form. Love is the signature of the universe. It is free and it must be chosen and born in trust and acceptance. So, while this list could go on and on and on, what is needed here is reflection and self awareness that we must balance in relationships at all times. Never loose yourself and always be aware of what you heart, your Spirit is trying to relay to you, it will save you years of therapy.
- Elle
